What did the gangster's son tell...

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

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The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by
announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose
will reply by saying, 'I resign'

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What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who
pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious

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When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God
doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

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A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my
intelligence come from?" His father replied, "Well, son, you must have
gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine."

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The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an
equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong

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Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to
be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about
girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please
advise. I have the same problem with his Father."